I'm writing from North Miami Beach, FL with an update on rehab...or as I call it, college without booze.  What I've learned through a week and a couple days is that if you go into something with an open mind, you will likely find value in it.  Of course the value could be that it's a horrible experience that you've gained nothing from...but if you don't do it you'll never know.  That said, through 9 days this is what I've learned and taken from rehab.

1) Just because something doesn't necessarily work completely with your understanding of the world, doesn't mean it's worthless.

AA and 12 step is extremely popular for a reason.  It's a very organized program designed for people whose lives are out of control on account of alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, and there are like 157 more.  This is fine.  If it works for you, great.  But for any skeptic going into a program like this, somewhere along the 12 steps, you're gonna find something that really doesn't jive with your personal beliefs.  For me it's that behind some really wonderful ideas for living in general is something of a dogmatic creed.  They champion the phrase "God, as you understand God."  That'd be fine if later on in the steps we didn't see words like capital-Him, capital-He, capital-Employer, etc.  I think it's sort of a shame, because behind the dogma is a really wonderful concept that could help anyone.  The idea that we're very small people in a very big world and have very little control over anything is wonderful.  The idea that we should accept our lack of control is wonderful.  Telling people that we have to submit to god to do so is not.  That said, since being here it's gotten easier to deal with the religious overtones.  So should I want to really be sober, forever, period, the idea of working steps and doing the program with sponsors and meetings seems a bit less daunting.  I feel like I could go to a meeting and get a sponsor and just sort of give him a wink when it comes to the god shit...like we're just gonna rewrite that one and work it as I rewrite it.  And you know what...it wouldn't be any less effective.  At this point it's less the religious shit that pisses me off and more the notion that I have to do all the steps point for point and leave nothing open to interpretation.

2) Please don't put your life in the hand's of a rock n' roll band...or anyone else for that matter.

A lot of people here spew a lot of bullshit.  I hope this doesn't happen to me when I get older.  There's this one guy here who speaks exactly like Hunter Thompson, so I was immediately drawn to him.  But the likeness stops there.  His theory on life is that there is one basic way to live.  1) Accept and embrace your flaws.  2) Learn to love yourself.  Positive thinking equals positive living.  And the theory is that the body doesn't lie and if you do anything to harm your body you don't love yourself.  This of course related to drinking and drug use.  Fine.  So I raised my hand and asked, "Can you ever possibly get there...loving yourself...based on your definition of loving yourself?  I mean isn't there always something?  If it's not alcohol, it's shitty food or reality tv or not working out long enough or not getting enough sleep."  Really my question was, "Can I trust you?"  The answer was a resounding "no."

"There's always work to be done.  Life is about the journey and not the destination...you're asking about the destination."  I agreed on his first point but I only think he was half right about my question.  Then he dropped the ball.  "I definitely don't watch tv.  And I certainly don't watch the news or read the paper."  Okay guy.  Now we're at odds.  A) I feel like should I ever commit to sobriety, I will set that goal.  And I think that the goal of general contentment and responsible living is just fine.  Certainly life isn't complete until you die...but why can't we ever take a step back and say, I've done well?  There's not much left to change.  The Bulls won 6 championships in the 90's.  I suppose they could've won 10, but I think everyone is pretty pleased with how it went.  And really?  You don't read the paper or watch the news?  I guess I didn't ask his reason for that one, but I'm fairly confident there wouldn't be an acceptable response in my eyes.

Alright...gotta run for now.  More values and lessons to come...